Wednesday, February 22, 2006

For Now....

Please continue to enjoy my past posts (although, for some they could be future post, I suppose) and I promise to return here in the near future.

With all of the technologies and social changes I have found here in the future, as many can tell, learning about all of these things has left me with very liitle time for idle blogging.

I know many of you enjoyed coming here and interacting with a legend such as myself...and I will return, this is not good bye. I just could not bring myself to lead you astray again with promises of lenghthy, frequent posts....there is just too much poontang for that, you see?

If it were possible to post a proper blog entry WHILE tasting of a 23 year old's sweet and juicies, then I would absolutely do that for you, friends.....but, alas, it is NOT possible. Trust me I have tried, you just end up with a keyboard covered in spunk.

Until my return......stay well friends! I will see you all soon.

Marty Van Buren can still kiss my liver-spotted ass!

Tuesday, December 13, 2005

Tom Cruise

CAN SUCK MY TALLYWACKER!

HE CAN KISS MY GENTLEMANLY BUTTOX!

REALLY....YOU CAN TOM! I'LL ACTUALLY LET YOU DO IT.

I'M GLAD YOUR SHITTY RENDITION OF MY FILM FLOPPED...

AND FURTHERMORE, I'M GLAD THAT LITTLE SLUT KATIE HOLMES GOT MIXED UP WITH YOU....WHY?

BECAUSE ANY INVESTIGATOR WORTH HIS SALT KNOWS THAT KATIE WAS MESSING AROUND WITH SOME YOUNG MAN OVERSEAS SHORTLY BEFORE BECOMING ALLIGNED WITH YOU.....

....YES, JUST LONG ENOUGH AGO THAT THIS YOUNG MAN COULD BE THE FATHER OF THAT CHILD SHE CARRIES BEHIND HER PUFFY PINK DOODLEBOX (?) MMMM PUFFY PINK DOODLEBOX - NO! I WILL NOT BE DISTRACTED!

YOU ARE NOT THE FATHER OF THAT CHILD, MR. CRUISE - ADMIT IT!.....IT HAS ALREADY BEEN SHOW THAT YOU DID NOT FATHER CHILDREN WITH NICOLE OR THAT OTHER DINK YOU MARRIED BEFORE THAT...MIMI SOMETHING?

THOSE CHILDREN WERE ADOPTED! WE ALL KNOW IT!

SO KATIE HOLMES WILL BE THE HETEROSEXUAL DOWNFALL OF YOU MISTER CRUISE....BECAUSE ONCE THIS IS ALL OVER....IT WILL GET OUT THAT THAT SPAWN IS NOT YOURS....

AND THEN YOU WILL BE FORCE TO GROVEL FOR PENNIES AND PENIS.

My word....where did THAT come from? I agree with the content...the form leaves a little to be desired......and groveling for pennies and penis? Hmmmm.....that's gross.

Tom call me when you are ready to kiss my wrinkled ass bag.

It's the Tits!

I have not been here since September? Could this be POSSIBLE?

Well, I can not say that anything has happened in the long interm period between then and now. I have really done nothing over these past few months...perhaps even all year.

It seems my passion for things such as blogging, getting (as you youngsters call it) "bombed" and having a dainty persian girl wearing traditional garb and spike heels stand on my scrotum while I lick whipped cream from her sister's ample busom as the smell of warm apple pie rises up from the bedside, I am wearing my favorite robe, the one with the leafy pattern, the girls look knowingly at each other as I reach into the nightstand drawer and produce a tube of almond paste, an instant camera and a small tacking hammer....good God, I've distracted myself from the point here. Ah yes, these things that started my year off with a figurative "bang" seem to have wandered from my interests....

I really should not have posted this....it makes me seem like a sad old man.

>sigh< style="font-weight: bold;">FOR I HAVE A PLAN GOING INTO THE YEAR 2006!

LOOK OUT PEOPLE......

MISTER WELLS HAS RETURNED!!

Provided I don't have any flare ups with those "sores"....

Thursday, September 22, 2005

Recovery

Good Lord! Oh my!

What did I drink last night? My head his POUNDING...and I'm still drunk.

(closing drapes)

I would recap my birthday celebrations from last night...but I can barely see the keybaord through this half drunk/half ill fog.

Let me just say this....Booze, Babes and chocolate fondue "body shots"

I.....I.......I am so tired.........and possibly about to be physically ill.

Happy 139, Wellsie!

Damn, we're not going to make it to 6 in tha mo-nin' ladiees.....

Wednesday, September 14, 2005

Memories...



Aaaahhhh.....those were the days!

...and only a short while ago.

Although, everything is "only a short while ago" for me.

Where has my time gone...I feel so old and feeble now. Feelings I never thought I would have, even at the age of 138 years.

Perhaps my mood has been depressed by my up coming birthday celebration.
(Make note ladies: Sept. 21st, bumping par-ty at the Wells' estate! Til 6 in the MO-nin'!! )

You know, 139 is only one away from the "Big 4-0".....140.

You would think that by my age, I would have learned something....

this introspection is killing me.

Where is my bottle of Boodles? Boodle of bottles. Bottles of oodles. Oodles of Noodles.

Saturday, September 10, 2005

Damn.

Well, now I question what is to be accomplished by my attendance at this denim event.

...since just the thought of it roused my stupendous head and set forth a release worthy of a three shilling harlot!!

God damn this old age.

"Denim on Denim"

Party tonight...

I do believe it will be quite erotic. Denim clad asses fronted by denim bras with bursting mounds!

Cold Drinks, Hot Bitches.

Wells is gonna git his SWERVE ON!

Look out......

Tuesday, August 09, 2005

Things are HEATING UP!

I had NO idea things were so wild and sexy at the beach in this century! I had heard stories...Hedonism, Girls Gone Awry (is that the name?), Gastineau Girls...but what I found was more than I every would believe!

I recently came across these young ladies while out for a stroll.



Suffice it to say, I had a somewhat difficult time keeping my plenpotentiary instrument from cleaving each and every gateway to the halls of pleasure!

Although, I must admit, I mouthed almost every ruby-tipped globe that came within my rapturous grasp!

I am a naughty one!

Tuesday, July 26, 2005

A thought from the parlour.....

Now that this War of the Worlds fiasco is behind us, we can get back to the real focus of living in the Year 2005...Booty.

The summer is nearly half over and we have yet to talk about the sundress-clad persian girls, juggy joggers and the butt-ass nekid sunbathers!

I intend to launch a full investingation of these young ladies and their goings-ons!

I shall leave no stone unturned, no nipple un-pinched, no heinie un-slapped, no nether-region un-probed by phallus or at least a mere digit!

Why am I lazing about in the parlour?

OFF TO THE BEACH WITH ME!!