Monday, August 30, 2004

Coming Along Quite Well !!

Well, faithful readers, I believe things are coming along quite well for your friend Ol' Mister Wells! In my recent travels I have succeeded in touching the lives of several individuals here inside the land of blogging and I am feeling compelled to make this my life's work!

I am feeling refreshed and rejuvenated by the interactions I have had, the comments left and the comments received. In fact, as a testimonial, here are some of them...Including some insight in to my bizarre situation, from one "Big D" (The Grimm Reaper himself!)


Big D said...
Mr Wells,
Thank you for your very considerate inquiry as to my health and spirit. Along with time, health and spirit are all irrelevant to one such as I. I am quite certain that you of all people can relate to this unique bit of multiversal physics, as you are no doubt aware, that you exist on several threads of the multiverse simultaneously, even now, thanks to your achievements in Time Travel.You are both living, and non-living.My condolences on being stuck with Mr Van Buren in the Kineoscope. I remember well the day I collected him in 1841. A horrid, bore of a human, forever droning on about something called The Erie Canal. Frankly, I was glad to be rid of him.Which brings me to your current situation, and it is one, I'm afraid, I have no control over. My particular office is acquisition and Delivery, and I am sorry to say, that, Placement and Relocation are strictly administrative affairs.I will, however, be happy to inform my temporary replacement (whom I see weekly), about your plight, and see if he can talk to someone from P&R about why you're stuck in the Kineoscope and if it is at all possible to arrange your release."Grease the Administrative Wheels" so to speak. No promises 'though, my replacement is somewhat...unique.
Kind regards,
G. Reaper

p.s. If Billy (my replacement), manages to free you from the kinescope, feel free to look me up in Florida.But please don't bring Van Buren.
G.R.
11:25 AM

And here is another from a blogger to whom I commented upon her interactions with a "blogging friend" and the nature of a particular discussion...

Fredette said...
Thanks for stopping by...I quite enjoyed your post. Why of course MJ was using that term "warpath" to take me away from my focus. I saw that. I do wonder if you saw the link about which I spoke?
I decided to call MJ on her actions...not because I care about the topic so much as I wanted to see her response! I suspect she will be very timid about standing up. She hits me as one who will accuse and then run off... I detest that!!

Yes, I really enjoyed leaving that lengthy comment! Glad I could help Fredette! That is, IF I helped! I suppose I did!! But I digress...

One last example. This young lady was appreciative of my comments left upon her friend's site. I have not included my comments, for I cannot find them!

Jayleigh said...

H.G.- There are two things I'd like to tell you.The first is your comment on my best friend's blog, Adventures of a Boy Named Wade. You are SO right on, and I appreciate your telling him so. He's sweet and smart and you had the balls to tell him the things I could not.

The second is this line from your blog, "I am, was, and will always be One Badass MoFo With A Taste For The 'Tang."You make me smile. Have a good one!
9:01 AM


Well, I may be trapped inside this god-awful contraption, yet I know a few things:

1) I am, was and will always be a bad.....yes, yes.....you get my point with the first one!

2) The American's (and the world?) are seriously fucked with this election thingy. Glad I'm in here!

3) I must continue my travels in search of a way out of this machine and I must help any others I cross paths with in this endevor.

Back to work!


Friday, August 27, 2004

My Findings...

I am ready to reveal my findings from traveling about the blogland!

I have discovered that in this world of blogging there are many types of people. More than half of which speak and type in a foreign language. Sometimes it is recognizable, sometimes it looks like this:

111111111111

and on occasion it looks like jibberish:

wjaufdndfk wdi Coke ofe didu7f dod0w, poljd!! Blog!

I came across artists and construction workers, a girl that thinks she is from another planet and an entire city called Backwardcity! (however, everything was not backward)

I found house wives and disaffected teens, old people and large groups of bowlers. I even came across several public service blogs and political discussion groups.

All in all, I found that this land of blogs needs to be studied further!

After restocking on water and pipe tobacco, I will set out again on Monday morning!!

See you in the field!

Wednesday, August 25, 2004

On Holiday ( visiting you?)

For the next day or so, I will be on holiday visiting other residents of the "blog land".

In the event I leave a brief message at your site, please feel free to comment here!

I plan on reporting my findings, good and bad, back here at my resident site.

Understand, any comments left are merely for amusement and I mean no harm!

To be honest, I just left a post regarding one gentleman's grooming habits to which I expect a nasty reply from his lady-friend!!

See you here soon!

These Incessant Presentations Are Dreadful!!

My kineoscope screen is often badgered with unsolicited presentations!

The unrelenting advertisements are becoming tiresome.

I do not know where they come from, or who generates them, but if the person or persons responsible is reading this:

Please, I implore you!! Cease and desist from these advertisements!

I do not know who this Zango chap is, but he is persistant!

I am not interested in "screensavers", "online university" or "casino gaming"

Just navigating this internet has become difficult!!

I am tired.....

Monday, August 23, 2004

Having A Gay Old Time!......What? That's No Longer Said? See This Is Part Of The Problem!

I have recieved multiple e-mail messages regarding my supposed feud with the 8th President of the United States, Martin Van Buren as well as messages regarding the (apparent) repressed homosexuality of this blog.

Firstly, my indignant remarks tword Van Buren were due to a personal mix-up in surnames. As I have explained in the following apology:

From www.8presindahouse.blogspot.com ------------------
2 Comments:

H G Wells said...
President Van Buren,

I have issued a reprive on the public pages of my blog. In an opiate haze I seem to have mistaken you for my former gardner Van Boren! He recently obsconded with several dozen tulip bulbs and a rather rare orchid, which took me some time and efforts to obtain from the jungles of... AH! I'm babbling! I'm sorry for the mix up.( And make no mistake, I'm a hard-core lady lova! Well, there was that one time.....bah! )
Friday, August 20, 2004

President Martin Van Buren said...
Appology accepted.
Monday, August 23, 2004

As you can see Van Buren has accepted my apology on this Monday the twenty-third of August in the year two-thousand and four, wonderful!! Thus, ending any confusion or conflict!
I have changed my link to President Van Buren's site to express this newfound acquaintanceship. Van Buren is, most definately, now considered "Ma Dawg!"

Van Buren has also been considerate enough to include this site among his "Additional Resources" under a title that brings us to our next topic....

The Repressed Homosexuality Of H.G. Wells

I am, was, and will always be One Badass MoFo With A Taste For The 'Tang.

I suppose something is causing this misconseption! It's must be this bloody Victoria accent and fondness for wearing leather chaps!

I can't shake either of them, so you'll just have to take my word for it....



Time Travel

There have already been questions about my ability to travel through time and whether or not I did, in fact, invent a time machine. Well my answer to both is a resounding, YES!

I have and do travel through time on a relatively regular basis! In fact check the date of this post.

However, my time machine is nothing like the ones in movies and magazines. Over the years artists have horribly misconstrued my notations and sketches. My machine looks nothing like that riduculous throne with a giant discus behind it.....silly! Here is photograph of my time machine:



Rather Keen isn't it?


Here's what it's like to travel through time and space......





....and you can only imagine the ho's I get with this thing,



Friday, August 20, 2004

League of Extraordinary CRAP!!

I just saw that "League Of Extraditioned Gentlemen" film. I have never been so insulted!

One Word:

BARF ME OUT.

Well, I suppose that was three words. Yet, it sufficiently expresses my sentiments towards the film.

Etch Me If You Can!

Lately I've been inviting young ladies to my residence to view my etchings.

Here's a nice one of a woma.....eh, I mean a bottle rack....shaped.....LOVELY, Isn't it?



Here is another...



This is a favourite of mine. I produced this etching after a particularly torrid evening with Mary Augusta Ward and Emily Bronte! At one point, Henry James and I argued which woman was which in the picture. I told him I was kidding about the three-way and it was actually a sketch of my second wife looking in the mirror. He believed me, we had a laugh and a scotch and some kisses and light petting by candle light until the sun came up.

In other news:

For those of you that have been following my current lifestyle, I have decided to cease following this poppycock Atkins diet. I have found that this excessive intake of red meats has made it incredibly difficult to pass a turd. I have the most acrid gas too!

I am also concerned about my recent inability to achieve an erection. I also attribute this to the Atkins diet, or perhaps the fact that I'm 138 years old. But Hef tells me not to worry, I'm probably just nervous with the new girl.



Martin Van Buren is a Wanker!

Good Day Gentlemen and Ladies!

I am proud to present my new presence on the World Wide Web! You know this web thingy is EXACTLY the kind of thing I had in mind for the modern world, goodness I am a genius! Now if I could only remember where I put my room key.

Well, I'll kick things off here in a moment but let me address Mr. Van Buren, the 8th President of the United States of America:

Dearest Mr. Van Buren,

You filthy prick. How dare you return to the public eye and steal the glory from other world figures! I will give you some of the respect you are due. After all, you left office 20 years before I was even born, and you did have the smarts to take your $100,000 salary for 4 years of office as a lump payment in the end.....but GODDAMMIT MARTY!! YOU STOLE MY GLORY!
I AM THE FATER OF SCIENCE FICTION! HOW DARE YOU JUMP ON BLOGGER AND MAKE ME LOOK BAD!! THIS IS THE FUTURE I SPOKE ABOUT!!

In conclusion, you are dead whereas I continue to live thanks to the miracles of modern chemistry, biology, botany, and an Indian massage technique called "quorka". It's an amazing series of pushes and pulls on the soft tissue....BAH! I'm getting off the point!

If I see you, I'm gonna kick your Kinderhook ass, "First US born President"....wussy faggot.

I hope this letter finds you healthy and well!

Herbert George Wells