Friday, August 20, 2004

Martin Van Buren is a Wanker!

Good Day Gentlemen and Ladies!

I am proud to present my new presence on the World Wide Web! You know this web thingy is EXACTLY the kind of thing I had in mind for the modern world, goodness I am a genius! Now if I could only remember where I put my room key.

Well, I'll kick things off here in a moment but let me address Mr. Van Buren, the 8th President of the United States of America:

Dearest Mr. Van Buren,

You filthy prick. How dare you return to the public eye and steal the glory from other world figures! I will give you some of the respect you are due. After all, you left office 20 years before I was even born, and you did have the smarts to take your $100,000 salary for 4 years of office as a lump payment in the end.....but GODDAMMIT MARTY!! YOU STOLE MY GLORY!
I AM THE FATER OF SCIENCE FICTION! HOW DARE YOU JUMP ON BLOGGER AND MAKE ME LOOK BAD!! THIS IS THE FUTURE I SPOKE ABOUT!!

In conclusion, you are dead whereas I continue to live thanks to the miracles of modern chemistry, biology, botany, and an Indian massage technique called "quorka". It's an amazing series of pushes and pulls on the soft tissue....BAH! I'm getting off the point!

If I see you, I'm gonna kick your Kinderhook ass, "First US born President"....wussy faggot.

I hope this letter finds you healthy and well!

Herbert George Wells



1 Comments:

Blogger H G Wells said...

After much consideration and a conversation or two with Mr. Van Buren....I must apologize for this posting.

I was reeling from the effects of some bad opiates earlier this morning and have now "come down", so to speak.

President Van Buren is a fine chap, he has truly steered me in the right direction.

With his well wishes and some encouraging words, I will continue this blog and consider Van Buren a friend and fellow intellectual.

Make no mistake, though. Martin is a straight-jacked playa.

As am I....as am I.

2:02 PM  

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