Monday, September 20, 2004

Addressing the Issues

Many of you have been e-mailing to find out where the Wells campaign stands on the current isssues of the 2004 Presdiential race....ssooooooo.....here you are!

Interview with Mr. H.G. Wells on "The Issues"

What will you do about the war in Iraq?

Pharmaceutical sales. We will end the "war" and make up for any money lost by increasing sales of pharmaceuticals to Hollywood types.....of course, I'm kidding. We will attempt to smooth the situation over by sending drugs and pornography to any angry rebels and we will force members of the Bush campaign to help rebuild....by hand....alone....without water.....or toilets. But this is just our first draft of what to do....

What about the economy and jobs?

We will employ the "Lewis Black Techinique". Build a giant "thing" therefore creating jobs. Then the buzz about the "thing" will cause people to go see it, therefore boosting business in the area and people will spend $$ to see the "thing" and buy crap. It's a bit more involved than this, but let's not push it....this bit is a little weak.

What about the environment, education and that other stuff?

It will all get better...we will make it better. I have a time machine, see. We can simply go back in time - change where we fucked up - and come back here to a healthy and wealthy USA! In fact, we can prevent war and all kinds of shit with that! Screw that time continium crap and all that "going back and killing your grandfather means you'll never get laid or some shit " stuff. I've been around the time, I can make some sweet changes.

Anything else?

Yes.

And that would be?

I've got a bit of a buzz. I'm sorry. Who's idea was this terrible post?

Yours.

Oh yeah. Well, it's over. VOTE WELLS / HEAD 2004!!!


WELLS / HEAD 2004
" A Vote For Wells Means You Get Some Head Too!!"


9 Comments:

Blogger The Head said...

And as Veep I plan on sitting on my ass drinking Boodles in my office playing PS2 and rocking out to AC/DC.
I say Lewis Black is out Secretary of the Interior.
Girl Friday will be our Secretary of State. Who can say no to her? We'd solve all of the world's problems.

10:38 AM  
Blogger H G Wells said...

Excellent plan, Head.

EXCELLENT!

10:47 AM  
Blogger The Head said...

Love the slogan.

11:49 AM  
Blogger Girl Friday said...

Oh how wonderful...you gave me the job. Remember Wells and Head I'm only here for dictation. Oh gosh what shall I wear...so excited!

9:33 PM  
Blogger The Head said...

If you're the Monica Lewinsky type I recommend a hefty bag. Ba-dump-bump crash! I'm here all week folks. Don't forget to tip your waitress. Take care of those that take care of you.

Maybe something slinky to intimidate the foreign heads of state.
Wait, you're both foreign. We'll have to travel back in time and mess with some records to make you eligible Mr. Wells.

6:52 AM  
Blogger H G Wells said...

Oh, HEAD. Sometimes you are so naive!

I did that last week. Not that it would matter, I could really do it at any time! HA!

I learned to take care of these things right away. You see, there is a bedrock layer of women that you cannot tap into without marriage, which can be worth it if the young lady is hot enough. Therefore, I gladly marry them and later change the past! I hit it and spilt it!

That's all i've done here. The politicos call it "damage control". However, we are not into dirty politics....just making things right (as in "correct", not "wacky-god-crazy-GW-right wing")

7:10 AM  
Blogger The Head said...

But I'd rather stay and play.
'Cuz I'm long, and I'm strong,
And I'm down to get the friction on.

Ugh, I can't believe I remember that. I worked in some awful bars.

You'll always be Pimp #1 in my book.

7:37 AM  
Blogger Girl Friday said...

Oh Mr Wells you think of everything!

11:37 AM  
Blogger The Head said...

And it's that naive "little boy lost" quality I have that's gonna get the empty nester vote in November.

1:20 PM  

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