Friday, September 03, 2004

Letter To Mr. Akshay

From the comment box:

akshay said...
Herbert,
If I can call you that .
I hear you married your first cousin Isabel Mary Wells what made do such a thing?
You believe in keeping the genes in the family,

8:39 AM



Sir,

You have incontestably become the single most irritation in my current quandary. You are a true pain-in-the-akshay. Hahahahahaha!!! Haaaaa. Ahhh. {sigh}

No, you may not call me Herbert. However, I am happy to see that you have run me through the Google, and I expect that you believe you are an authority on all things Wellsian. Wonderful.

As my faithful readers know, for the moment, I have had little interest in speaking of time travel, politics circa 1900-1945 and anything related to colon-rectal cancer. So this, as wih most of your comments, thus far, is quite boring. My current interest lies in this new found blog world and how I can get to the nearest bar for a stiff Boodles martini ( WORD TO MA BROTHA, THE MUTHAFUCKIN' HEAD!)

Do not be mistaken. These issues will all be addressed in good time, please bear with me. I have a particular orderliness which I would like to follow in giving this cornucopious discourse on my life experiences and findings.

As for the young lady. I am from a different era, you ninny! We were far less concerned with how people were related...we were into GETTIN' SOME! I married several women and disappointed everyone one by cheating! See.....GETTIN' SOME!
Additionally, if you tell me that cousins do not marry in India, I will call you an IMPUDENT LIAR! I have been to your country, spoken with your countrymen, I have tasted the fruit of your Hindu women's lions and I have gotten a formidable case of the diaroonies from your water! I'm down with India.

I love the comments, please keep them coming and I will continue my tour of Blogland!

Thanks, Akshay! No harm done, it's all about fun!

13 Comments:

Blogger Akshay said...

I thoughrally enjoyed reading that..
and Yes Mr. Wells there no harm done.
Travel On Travel on Mr Well
journey on.

8:21 AM  
Blogger H G Wells said...

Word...My dear man....WORD.

9:37 AM  
Blogger The Head said...

Pimp it Mr. Wells. You're an inpiration to us all. You have inspired me to consume several Boodles Martini's tonight.
In fact, I will re-comment here later after doing so.
A little known (except for me and, of course, the illustrious Mr. Wells) fact is that Boodles gin is not like other spirits. In addition to the alcohol, it contains magic pixie dust that makes the drinker especially witty and charming, especially attractive to the fairer sex. So men, drink Boodles, chat up some fly honies and you'll be getting a monocle-ful of ankle in no time.
It also makes you smell better, wards off most STD's, and increases your lean muscle mass.

12:15 PM  
Blogger The Head said...

I guess it would be spelled "honeys".

2:01 PM  
Blogger H G Wells said...

An excellent testamonial for the Boodles, Head.

As a matter of fact, I returned from my sociologial blog studies early this afternoon (just before tea) and had a young hottie from the near east mix me up a Boodles martini! HIT IT!

Hangin' em high, Head! YA HEARD?!

4:15 PM  
Blogger The Head said...

Wasted. Just wasted.
Pip pip! on the hottie making you a Boodles martini. yOU LATCH ON TO THAT GIRL IF SHE'S FROM A GOOD FAMILY. OK, caps lock on by accident. I'll leave it as further evidence of the glory of Boodles. If she's not from a good family, she'll gladly make you martinis and sex in exchange for boarding at the local flophouse. You deserve a strumpet Mr. Wells.

8:45 PM  
Blogger The Head said...

Although those from the East end are clap-ravaged harlots.
West Side hoo-ers are the best.
A whole new level of sophisticated tramp.

8:47 PM  
Blogger The Head said...

The time's all wrong. It's 10:48 pm.
Fuckers.

8:48 PM  
Blogger H G Wells said...

I love a good Boodles martini! These posts are further evidence of just how sophisticated and exciting a good cocktail hour can be!

I remember having drinks with Julius Martov, after the Mensheviks were outlawed and he had emigrated to Berlin..goodness, that was right around 1920 or 1921...only a matter of one or two years before his death. None the less we were drinking Boodles martinis and debating exactly what Lenin had done wrong with Russia and Martov threw his hands up and tried to stand up and FELL RIGHT ON HIS ASS! Hmm...that chap could really sock them away...he was in his late 40's at the time....maybe 48.....BAH! I'm rambling!

Another winner, Head! I raise my glass to you!
-HG

10:30 AM  
Blogger The Head said...

Indeed. People would be better off with more cocktail hours.
Hitler was a teetotaler and Churchill drank Boodles. Who would you rather associate with?

7:08 AM  
Blogger Jayleigh said...

HG, when will you update your blog? I so wish for more pearls of wisdom from you!

5:27 AM  
Blogger Girl Friday said...

ERE! ERE! Jay. Although I've had my fair share of pearls in the past a pearl necklace from you Sir would be heavens delight.

11:24 AM  
Blogger H G Wells said...

Friday, you tawdry wench!

New posts will be made forthwith!

8:48 AM  

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