Thursday, September 16, 2004

War of the Whirled

I am reeling from this, friends. I must sit down for a scotch....

Today I recieved a letter from a young lady professing her love for me. She used some rather filthy language, describing torrid scenes of which I have never imagined two consenting adults taking part in. Here are a few brief excerpts:

"...My life! My soul! The springs of pleasure are wound to such a pitch that I cannot help but succumb to extacy! I must have your love, Mister Wells. "

"...carry me to a new-discover'd sphere of Venus, I am melting into a softness that can refuse you nothing! "

"...I shall open wide my pouting-lipt mouth, that you might unleash thy sweet loving fury! "

As you can see, I have good reason to be flustered!

Yet, this does bring me back from the burning rage I have been suffering from over this Steven Spielberg situation, that filthy hump!

The young lady also included a bawdry photograph. I will not post it here, but since we are the closest of friends.... can sneek a peek (here) BEWARE: It is a racy one!

To address this young lady directly....

No thanks.

Oh, and your pits could use a shaving.

Thats all for now!

(does this sound like a good sign off, or is the whole "seacrest" thing played???)


Blogger The Head said...

Doesn't surprise me none. Your the original Pimp Mr. Wells. Yes, I did it. Pimp with a capital "P".
I totally am sitting here with a rod looking at that daguerrotype.

11:06 AM  
Blogger Girl Friday said...

Who is this bitch? how dare she and will you? Mr Wells say it isn't so....actually I think I love Head now.

12:43 PM  
Blogger H G Wells said...

Wells can't be tied down to ANY woman....

however, I suppose I could be tied down BY any woman. In fact, that reminds me of being on holiday in Belgium in the early 1930's. I met two young ladies at different times and arranged to join each of them for dinner one weekend. The first young lady was a hearty lass from Poland who's father worked as a professor of chemistry. The other was a Belgian house maid at the residence I was visiting. Neither girl was what I would call "ideal" when I think of my preferences, but.....

Goodness! I am rambling on and on aren't I!!

No one needs to hear this drivel!

I'm off!

1:03 PM  
Blogger Girl Friday said...

You are such a pimp sir!

1:06 PM  
Blogger The Head said...

Oh no! A love triangle. Pistols at dawn Mr. Wells?

1:25 PM  
Blogger The Head said...

Also I just noticed I used the wrong word for the contraction "you're" earlier. I hate when people do that and try not to.

1:25 PM  
Blogger Isabella said...

Its almost as bad as when one ends a sentence in preposition.

I bit.

5:26 PM  
Blogger The Head said...

Ouch and Touche.
Obviously I'm not an English major.

6:31 PM  
Blogger Girl Friday said...

My father was a Major.

11:08 PM  
Blogger The Head said...

Major with a capital "M" no less.

8:24 AM  
Blogger H G Wells said...

Diry comments, death threats, English lessons...

What is happening here!!!

I must ready a new post, my visitors are desperately in need of one!!

I'm off to compose!

9:48 AM  

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