Wednesday, December 22, 2004

Good Day, Friends!

Well, Christmas is upon us, a time for Joy and Merriment!

I hope all of you have lovely families and friends to spend time with this holiday season.

I will be leaving on December 24th and heading back to the year 1876. I was but a mere lad of ten years then, and I would like to again see the decorations and hustle and bustle of Bromley High Street.

I have never returned to these days of my youth, but now I feel a deep seeded desire to see my earliest haunts. I am excited to see these people and places, once more!

And so, I must prepare! I will be going under the pseudonym "Lord Evard Von Halen", this time, as I feel the need to change things up now and again.

Wish me luck, I shall return in a matter of days!

Merry Christmas, and please join me after the holiday! I look forward to regailing you with my adventures!!

Saturday, December 18, 2004

Ha Ha Ha!

Haaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Get loaded, friends!

Drink it up!!

Wwwwwwwwwwwwwwwoooooooooooooooooooooo!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Mister Wells is having a GRAND OL' TIME!!!


Friday, December 17, 2004

On the Attack!

It seems I am the last bastion of good taste when it comes to novels these days, therefore I am creating a new feature on this blog!

Attacking The
NY Times Best Sellers List!


To kick off this new feature, I visited Amazon.com earlier this evening and posted an open letter to Mr. Mitch Albom.

Mitch Albom, known by his friends as "completely lost in the world", "stumbling through life" and " Stinkpits Albom", is the author of The Five People You Meet In Heaven. TFPYMIH is currently #1 on the Hardcover Fiction list with the NY Times.

His standing on this list means that he is my Public Enemy #1. As required by the sensible rules I have set up for this feature I have: 1) read his awful book, which made me wretch, and I have 2) PUBICLY reviewed it.

So without further ado, please navigate over to my review at Amazon.com entitled

Take It From Me, This Book Stinks Worse Than Morlock Dung!



You may need to scroll down to find it, enjoy!

( once Amazon moves my review along, you will still find it here )

Save your breath...You'll need it to blow up your date!

As for me?

I'll be enjoying cocktails this evening at a Gentleman's Club!

Well worth the price of admission, I'm sure.


Wednesday, December 15, 2004

Repost of an opinion...

While visiting The Head this evening, I expressed some rather strong opinions on Charles Dickens holiday novel A Christmas Carol. I would like to now re-post those comments, since I find myself often losing interesting bits of written materials into the vast world of other blogs comment sections. Please, feel free to comment and converse!

At 7:10 PM, H G Wells said...

Head,
I would like to take a moment to address something which is brought to my attention every year at this time, yet I have held my tounge in commenting on it for many years...

Head, in this post you made reference to "Scrooge", as we all know, this refers to Charles Dickens Christmas-time novel A Christmas Carol Over the years, Dickens classic novel (HARDLY!) has become somewhat of a hallmark of this holiday season. It is this of which I take unbrage.I will not fill these precious pages with my opinions of Dickens works or character, after all, he was just an old coot when I was a young lad, but let me say this:

CHARLES DICKENS HATED CHRISTMAS!

Just read his dedication from any original, unedited text of that heralded holiday hardcover...

"I have endeavoured in this Ghostly little book, to raise the Ghost of an Idea, which shall put my readers out of humour with themselves,with each other, with the season, and with me.May it haunt their houses pleasantly, and no one wish to lay it.
Their faithful Friend and Servant, C. D."

That says it all.

Charles Dickens, up yours!

(I am terribly sorry for using so much space.)
-H.G.




Monday, December 13, 2004

Works in progress...

Since my return I have been pursued by, not just hotties, but several publishers as well, virtually DOZENS of offers have come across my roll-top desk.



I was enjoying myself so much, that for a time I had turned down these offers....but just over two months ago I took on the task of not only one book, but seven! These works were ligitimately written in these past 3 months (no time-travel hijinks) however I did request a bit of assistance from a few friends, and Jesus wrote a forward for me...yet that was after the texts had been completed.

I figured I would challenge myself and write 7 books in only three months...and now my three months are coming to a close.

So without further ado, I present my 7 publications due for 2005:

Weird and Wacky Plants of the American Northwest: A Guide
-H.G. Wells

The Art of Spanking: A Pop-Up Book
-H.G. Wells with artwork by Richard Kern

The Miracle of the Loaves and Fishes Why Christianity is Totally Gay
- H.G. Wells (forward by Jesus)

Switcheroo How to Get Anal Despite Her Protesting
- H.G. Wells with Tera Patrick

Oscar Wilde's Night of Golden Showers, and Other Disasters
-a historical text by H.G. Wells

Wild Nights with Emily Dickinson
- H.G. Wells

War of the Worlds Part II: The Bush Years
- H.G. Wells with former Bush cabinet members

Please look for these titles in your local book shop and online!!