Monday, February 14, 2005

Valentine's Day

Ah, yes. Valentine's Day!

Happy Valentine's Day....ladies. Ol' H.G. has a heart-shaped box of candy for every one of you with a heart-shaped ass.

For those of you who don't know, or have forgotten, every holiday has some historic, religious or otherwise meaningful signifigance...other that blatant consumerism. Valentine's Day is no different!

Therefore, please allow me to regail you with

The Story of St. Valentine's Day!!

Let us begin.

One February evening in North Chicago, seven well-dressed men were found riddled with bullets inside the S.M.C Cartage Co. garage. They had been lined up against a wall, with their backs to their executioners and shot to death. With the exception of Dr. Reinhardt H. Schwimmer these men were mobsters working under the leadership of gangster and bootlegger, "Bugs" Moran. Within a few seconds, while staring at a bare brick wall, these seven men had become a part of Valentine's Day history

....wait just a moment. I'm terribly sorry!! That was the St. Valentine's Day Massacre, a rather brutal story, albeit pertinant, to be telling on such a festive day of love.

Please, allow me to begin again....

The Story of St. Valentine's Day!!

Valentine's Day started in the time of the Roman Empire. In ancient Rome, February 14th was a holiday to honour Juno. Juno was the Queen of the Roman Gods and Goddesses, and believe me she was a hot piece of poon! I know, I've been back that way. The Romans also knew her as the Goddess of women and marriage, but more importantly she was hot. The following day, February 15th, began the Feast of Lupercalia.

The lives of young boys and girls were strictly separate back then. However, one of the customs of the young people was "name drawing". On the eve of the festival of Lupercalia the names of Roman girls were written on slips of paper and placed into jars. Each young man would draw a girl's name from the jar and would then be partners for the duration of the festival with the girl whom he chose. In general this was a way for young men to get some random sex. Later, in the 1970's we renamed this concept "the Key Party" and used car keys instead of slips of paper. But I digress, we are talking of love and Valentine's Day...

Under the rule of Emperor Claudius II Rome was involved in many bloody and unpopular campaigns, depending on who you talk to. Claudius the Cruel was having a difficult time getting soldiers to join his military leagues. He believed that the reason was that roman men did not want to leave their loves or families. As a result, Claudius cancelled all marriages and engagements in Rome. The good Saint Valentine was a priest at Rome in the days of Claudius II. He and Saint Marius aided the Christian martyrs and secretly married couples, and for this kind deed Saint Valentine was apprehended and dragged before the Prefect of Rome, who condemned him to be beaten to death with clubs and to have his head cut off. He suffered martyrdom on the 14th day of February, about the year 270. At that time it was the custom in Rome, a very ancient custom, indeed, to celebrate in the month of February the Lupercalia, feasts in honour of a heathen god. On these occasions, amidst a variety of pagan ceremonies, the names of young women were placed in a box, from which they were drawn by the men as chance directed...wait. I've already mentioned this. Oh well, the ravages of old age, I suppose.

The pastors of the early Christian Church in Rome endeavoured to do away with the pagan element in these feasts by substituting the names of saints for those of maidens. And as the Lupercalia began about the middle of February, the pastors appear to have chosen Saint Valentine's Day for the celebration of this new feast. So it seems that the custom of young men choosing maidens for valentines, or saints as patrons for the coming year, arose in this way.

And there you have it! Some ridiculous Roman ritual + the brutal, murderous death and dismemberment of a priest = OUR HAPPY HOLIDAY!!

You see, friends, in this day and age it really is important for us to remember our history. Everything is so "in the moment" nowadays. We hustle and bustle about, never thinking of the days to come or the days gone by....horrible shortsightedness!

Take a moment to appreciate your past and plan for your future. If you do, the world will become a better place.

I appologize for my sappy lesson, here today.....I am such a romantic.....

Happy Valentine's Day!


Blogger Swt GA Hunny Bee said...

I know this isn't related to the post, but you posted on my site and I wanted to answer you back. (BTW thank you for your comment)

Nope it hasn't. But it has evolved into MSN TV, which my mother has the latest and greatest of. I'm using her castoff. LOL

10:43 AM  

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