H. G. Wells

For Now....

2006-02-22T06:41:00.000-08:00

Please continue to enjoy my past posts (although, for some they could be future post, I suppose) and I promise to return here in the near future.

With all of the technologies and social changes I have found here in the future, as many can tell, learning about all of these things has left me with very liitle time for idle blogging.

I know many of you enjoyed coming here and interacting with a legend such as myself...and I will return, this is not good bye. I just could not bring myself to lead you astray again with promises of lenghthy, frequent posts....there is just too much poontang for that, you see?

If it were possible to post a proper blog entry WHILE tasting of a 23 year old's sweet and juicies, then I would absolutely do that for you, friends.....but, alas, it is NOT possible. Trust me I have tried, you just end up with a keyboard covered in spunk.

Until my return......stay well friends! I will see you all soon.

Marty Van Buren can still kiss my liver-spotted ass!

Tom Cruise

2005-12-13T09:28:00.000-08:00

CAN SUCK MY TALLYWACKER!

HE CAN KISS MY GENTLEMANLY BUTTOX!

REALLY....YOU CAN TOM! I'LL ACTUALLY LET YOU DO IT.

I'M GLAD YOUR SHITTY RENDITION OF MY FILM FLOPPED...

AND FURTHERMORE, I'M GLAD THAT LITTLE SLUT KATIE HOLMES GOT MIXED UP WITH YOU....WHY?

BECAUSE ANY INVESTIGATOR WORTH HIS SALT KNOWS THAT KATIE WAS MESSING AROUND WITH SOME YOUNG MAN OVERSEAS SHORTLY BEFORE BECOMING ALLIGNED WITH YOU.....

....YES, JUST LONG ENOUGH AGO THAT THIS YOUNG MAN COULD BE THE FATHER OF THAT CHILD SHE CARRIES BEHIND HER PUFFY PINK DOODLEBOX (?) MMMM PUFFY PINK DOODLEBOX - NO! I WILL NOT BE DISTRACTED!

YOU ARE NOT THE FATHER OF THAT CHILD, MR. CRUISE - ADMIT IT!.....IT HAS ALREADY BEEN SHOW THAT YOU DID NOT FATHER CHILDREN WITH NICOLE OR THAT OTHER DINK YOU MARRIED BEFORE THAT...MIMI SOMETHING?

THOSE CHILDREN WERE ADOPTED! WE ALL KNOW IT!

SO KATIE HOLMES WILL BE THE HETEROSEXUAL DOWNFALL OF YOU MISTER CRUISE....BECAUSE ONCE THIS IS ALL OVER....IT WILL GET OUT THAT THAT SPAWN IS NOT YOURS....

AND THEN YOU WILL BE FORCE TO GROVEL FOR PENNIES AND PENIS.

My word....where did THAT come from? I agree with the content...the form leaves a little to be desired......and groveling for pennies and penis? Hmmmm.....that's gross.

Tom call me when you are ready to kiss my wrinkled ass bag.

It's the Tits!

2005-12-13T09:11:00.000-08:00

I have not been here since September? Could this be POSSIBLE?

Well, I can not say that anything has happened in the long interm period between then and now. I have really done nothing over these past few months...perhaps even all year.

It seems my passion for things such as blogging, getting (as you youngsters call it) "bombed" and having a dainty persian girl wearing traditional garb and spike heels stand on my scrotum while I lick whipped cream from her sister's ample busom as the smell of warm apple pie rises up from the bedside, I am wearing my favorite robe, the one with the leafy pattern, the girls look knowingly at each other as I reach into the nightstand drawer and produce a tube of almond paste, an instant camera and a small tacking hammer....good God, I've distracted myself from the point here. Ah yes, these things that started my year off with a figurative "bang" seem to have wandered from my interests....

I really should not have posted this....it makes me seem like a sad old man.

>sigh< style="font-weight: bold;">FOR I HAVE A PLAN GOING INTO THE YEAR 2006!

LOOK OUT PEOPLE......

MISTER WELLS HAS RETURNED!!

Provided I don't have any flare ups with those "sores"....

Recovery

2005-09-22T04:09:00.000-07:00

Good Lord! Oh my!

What did I drink last night? My head his POUNDING...and I'm still drunk.

(closing drapes)

I would recap my birthday celebrations from last night...but I can barely see the keybaord through this half drunk/half ill fog.

Let me just say this....Booze, Babes and chocolate fondue "body shots"

I.....I.......I am so tired.........and possibly about to be physically ill.

Happy 139, Wellsie!

Damn, we're not going to make it to 6 in tha mo-nin' ladiees.....

Memories...

2005-09-14T18:12:00.000-07:00

Aaaahhhh.....those were the days!

...and only a short while ago.

Although, everything is "only a short while ago" for me.

Where has my time gone...I feel so old and feeble now. Feelings I never thought I would have, even at the age of 138 years.

Perhaps my mood has been depressed by my up coming birthday celebration.
(Make note ladies: Sept. 21st, bumping par-ty at the Wells' estate! Til 6 in the MO-nin'!! )

You know, 139 is only one away from the "Big 4-0".....140.

You would think that by my age, I would have learned something....

this introspection is killing me.

Where is my bottle of Boodles? Boodle of bottles. Bottles of oodles. Oodles of Noodles.

Damn.

2005-09-10T19:36:00.000-07:00

Well, now I question what is to be accomplished by my attendance at this denim event.

...since just the thought of it roused my stupendous head and set forth a release worthy of a three shilling harlot!!

God damn this old age.

"Denim on Denim"

2005-09-10T19:15:00.000-07:00

Party tonight...

I do believe it will be quite erotic. Denim clad asses fronted by denim bras with bursting mounds!

Cold Drinks, Hot Bitches.

Wells is gonna git his SWERVE ON!

Look out......

Things are HEATING UP!

2005-08-09T15:39:00.000-07:00

I had NO idea things were so wild and sexy at the beach in this century! I had heard stories...Hedonism, Girls Gone Awry (is that the name?), Gastineau Girls...but what I found was more than I every would believe!

I recently came across these young ladies while out for a stroll.

Suffice it to say, I had a somewhat difficult time keeping my plenpotentiary instrument from cleaving each and every gateway to the halls of pleasure!

Although, I must admit, I mouthed almost every ruby-tipped globe that came within my rapturous grasp!

I am a naughty one!

A thought from the parlour.....

2005-07-26T09:09:00.000-07:00

Now that this War of the Worlds fiasco is behind us, we can get back to the real focus of living in the Year 2005...Booty.

The summer is nearly half over and we have yet to talk about the sundress-clad persian girls, juggy joggers and the butt-ass nekid sunbathers!

I intend to launch a full investingation of these young ladies and their goings-ons!

I shall leave no stone unturned, no nipple un-pinched, no heinie un-slapped, no nether-region un-probed by phallus or at least a mere digit!

Why am I lazing about in the parlour?

OFF TO THE BEACH WITH ME!!

Tick...Tick...Tick...

2005-06-21T19:38:00.000-07:00

As the clock counts down to the release of "War of the Worlds" - as interpreted by Hollywood morons, Steven Spielbergmanstein and starring "I've-Recently-Lost-My-Effin-Mind" Tom Cruise - I am driven to the highest points of rage, the lowest feelings of disrespect and a most bowel twisting feeling of nausea...which I believe was either caused by viewing the trailers for this film, or some questionable oysters...I'm not sure about that one.

I am not sure which is worse:
1) My novel will be "modernized",
2) My novel will be "edited for the screen" or
3) My novel will "Soon be re-released in paperback with photos of Tom Cruise on the cover" ...the WORST fate for any author's novel-to-film adaption!

LEAVE MY WORKS ALONE, YOU FILTHY PRICKS!

...well, it's too late for this one.

Anyone wanna get drunk with some hookers and see this film this weekend?

Screw it, it'll make 1 Jillion dollars with or without us...why not?

Damn.

Oh...and just for the record. I never intended for the main character in War of the Worlds to be a homosexual, nor a closet homosexual. Well, that's what they're getting at here, isn't it? Isn't that why they cast Tom Cruise? Bloody queer! (not that I dis-like homosexuals...just Tom.)

Comment of the day!

2005-06-21T16:07:00.000-07:00

Allow me to present my Comment of the Day....if I may be so bold as to evaluate my own scribblings around the "World Wide Computer".

Over at GirlFriday, she posted the following:

Why can't somebody clever make all vegetables taste
like the potato? My nephew will not eat vegetables such as carrots, cabbage, beans, cauliflour...all the usual suspects, he'll eat potatoes though...he likes the taste. I expect there are lots of children and adults who are missing out on nutrients from vegetables because they dislike the taste so why can't the greater powers that be change the flavour of food that tastes like shit?

To which I posted:

At 12:07 AM, H G Wells said…
I once DID create a series of vegetables that tasted like more
desirable things...let me see...if I remember correctly they were:

carrots = chocolate
cabbage = prawn crisps
lima beans = soda pop

The list goes on and on. It would have been sucessful, yet upon further research
I found that the nutritional value of the foods was lost in the chemical transmorphocation
of it's flavor.

except peaches flavored to the taste of pussy...they kept their value.

I could never figure that out.

I'm sorry, what were we talking about?

...I've already been contacted by several grantors of fine awards for exceptional blog commenting (internet smut catagory)

This is why MY films get made into summer blockbusters....oh, drat...I'm in a bad mood again!

Interestingly enough....

2005-06-08T11:10:00.000-07:00

I recieved sexualy favors from both:

Anne Bancroft, actress best known as Mrs. Robinson in the film The Graduate. Who sadly passed away from cancer this past Monday.

as well as

Ann Bancroft, polar explorer....who looks like a man. What can I say....I was high on opiates and she offered it up while riding on the back of a dogsled!

....this did not turn out to be the eulogy to Anne Bancroft I had planned.

eh, screw it!

Happy Birthday- You Dead, Rotting Jackass!

2005-06-08T09:38:00.000-07:00

In the late 1930's - not too long before I orchestrated my "disappearance"- I spent some time in Arizona at what was to become a mecca for art and achitecture.

At the time when I was there it was not much more than a complex of buildings in various states of construction and completion. This place would later be called "Taliesin West".

The young people there were amazing, intriguing. I could never understand why the had all fallen in with that awful Frank Llyod Wright!!

INSUFFERABLE PRICK!

Frankie Wright, you were a rotten old codger!!

Furthermore, your wife, Olgivanna....was a DOG! Yick! Phhheewww!

HOWEVER

You were a damn talented architect, you had vision and style....and I appreciate that. I can also appreciate you being such a douche to your assistants and contractors...sometimes it can be difficult to get others to help you create what they cannot understand.

So, HAPPY BIRTHDAY FRANKIE!

I hope the worms have gnawed your skull into the shape of the Guggenheim, you goddamn genius!

Whiskey-ed Away

2005-06-08T06:35:00.000-07:00

Do not return from Scotland without at least 10 bottles of Scotch for me, Steve!

I know this young man will see plenty of fine scotches on his trip...just read a bit:

"If I take it according to plan I will be up the Great Glen Way (in the direction of Inverness) to Clunes, then inland and over to Glen Garry, then WNW to Glen Quoich then over to Glen Shiel. From there, N to Kililan and the Post Office/rail station at Strathcarrron - big supply point!"

In my opinion this might as well read:

"If I take it according to plan I will be up the Great Glen Way to SCOTCH, then inland and over to SCOTCH, then to SCOTCH. From there, SCOTCH SCOTCH AND SCOTCH - and the big supply point for SCOTCH!"

Hmmm....

I think I'll have a scotch.

Now where did I leave that decanteur last night?

Oh Dear....

2005-06-07T00:02:00.000-07:00

Friends,

The day of my beautiful written works being thrown to the world as a HORRIBLE Hollywood "Summer Blockbuster" grows more near by the hour....

....and that bloody-awful Tom Cruise just gets crazier and crazier.

I can only hope that this will cause the film to flop and I can avoid the treacherous public appearances!

Either way, I had Katie Holmes LONG before Tom ever considered....what am I talking about, HE'S GAY!!

Oh, Katie....you foolish little trollop! Batman Begins? ...what were you thinking!

More Bizarre findings...

2005-04-25T21:22:00.000-07:00

Well, for those of you who have been with my little blog for a while, I am back to touring this fantastical land called the internet!

In fact, I came across this sketch from a fanatic of my blog!

Now, mind you, I cannot support this in any way for several reasons.

Mainly because the person in this sketch is clearly insane...so we can only assume that the person who drew it feels much the same. Eh?

Furthermore, friend, if you are going to scribble something on a protest sign there are 2 simple rules that should be followed:

1) It should, at least, be some kind of intelligent phrase.
2) It must fit within the physical confines of the sign.

DUH!!!

Really...if this is the best my "fans" can do, we'll NEVER take over the free world.

....er.....not that I had any plans.....

Since I've been away...

2005-04-20T04:06:00.000-07:00

I bet you've missed my silly non sequiturs....so......

Here's a snap I recently took on a trip to Belize.

I call it "Frenchie soldiers attack an acorn."

I was drawn to visit Belize because of a young lady who had promised me her virginity as well as a portion of her father's weath. Don't ask, it ain't easy being a 104 year old pimp daddy, exta funds never hurt!

Well, as it turns out this family had a young son with a great interest in Napoleon and his battles. This idiot boy would spend HOURS lining up little tin soldiers, recreating battles.

I love floor games such as this....but I had to kick the kid's ass.

He was a punk-ass.

Some people just refuse to believe, but it's true...

2005-03-28T19:27:00.000-08:00

Apparently, Michael Jackson IS a child fucker!

Oh, goodness. I've just given it away, haven't I?

I am TERRIBLY SORRY.

I must remeber to be more careful....

Good Evening...

2005-03-16T00:05:00.000-08:00

..I am having quite the good evening, and yourselves? I thought so, wonderful!

I am spending my after-hours with the nicest young woman. "After-what-hours", you ask? Well these are my after-writing, after-cocktails, after-dinner, after-desert, after-nightcaps,
after-the-first-date-is-over-let's-get-on-to-the-next-one hours!!

Of course, these types of things have fallen out of fashion with you youngsters!! All of the pleasures I enjoyed as a young man like singing parlour songs, dancing a waltz and having unprotected sex with multiple female partners all at the same time without fear of infection or disease...
*sigh*
...these things are no longer the interests of you generation.

Now you want to be "hip" and "kick it with your homies" and "Ima tell you, dis muthfucka bess check hisself! Wells gonna roll up any minnit now! Wells don't mess around. Yall stupit ass crunk niggaz! Damn, yo...fo real. " and things of that nature.

Well, rather than get into a deep discussion of fads and language trends, I will leave you with this before I retire to my bed to enjoy the remainder of this evening....

I am going to ravage this young lady without remorse! Her 22 year old body will not KNOW what hit it! OH, and I WILL BE HITTIN' IT THIS EVENING!!! When she leaves here, she will barely be able to walk...

...and I plan on using nothing other that my tongue, BITCHES.

SAY WORD.

While "surfing"...

2005-03-08T12:00:00.000-08:00

I came across this:

September 23rd, 2003, 12:09 PM

Archren said:

I have to admit that Jules Verne has that special place in my heart, since he wrote some of the first SciFi that I ever read. However, objectively, I think that Wells really did more for the genre. I would say that his most important contribution was using it for social critique and examination, which has been a huge theme ever since.

Bite me, Vernians!

Granted, I have no idea who this "Archren" person is....for the moment, let's presume he/she is a genius with a PhD in literary criticism....not some zit-faced teen wearing a Dr. Who t-shirt.

UGH!

2005-03-03T18:53:00.000-08:00

I DO DETEST old age!

After polishing off an entire block of Authentic Greek Feta, I am bound up like a train derailed in a tunnel!

However, if i finish off this $2000. bottle of Chateau Mouton 1834 I'm sure I'll feel much better.

Note for the Gents:

Ladies LOVE a man that can pick out a nice Feta cheese. The trick is that it cannot be TOO salty! Look for Feta that has not been packed in liquid, either water or salt water. You have women dripping off of you...and they won't even care that you smell like feet!

Great Mood!

2005-02-24T09:37:00.000-08:00

Ah I am in a great mood this morning!

I had a lovely evening with a young Myrna Loy!

Ah, the year was 1925...she was a mere 20 years old, such a darling.....I do love my ability to travel though time!

For the first time, last night, I visited her without that awful Rudy Valentino coming around! He is such an ass! Three times I have been with Myrna and that persistant Valentino tries to muck things up for me. I never let it get me too hot under the collar, though. After all, he doesn't know it, but peritonitis will be bringing him to his knees by August of '26...so screw him! So much for you, "Son of the Sheik", you sorry bastard.

I do wonder, was it a weak kidney or liver that caused his peritonitis? Either way, that man had no intestinal fortitude!! Ah ha ha ha... what a crack!

Nevertheless, my evening with Myrna was extraordinary!

I won't be kneeding (*wink) that nurse-maid anymore!

Damned if

2005-02-22T16:44:00.000-08:00

that burning sensation "down below" hasn't returned!

I thought this was passed months ago!

Before the problem was different. I was always running to the toilet and when I get there nothing would happen, I would wait for a few minutes before I would get a BURNING trickle of urine. After which the sensation would go, but then it tended to return about 20 minutes later. This cycle of urinating and waiting might last up to a few hours and then everything would return to normal for a day or so, until the sensation starts again.

I visited the doctor and had various tests done and found that I had not contracted anything, but the doctor did say that he used to have the same problem and it would come and go now and again just like what was happening to me at that time.

He said after a while he started to get the sensation to urinate more frequently than normal, so he started to go to the toilet when he needed to and stopped holding it in. Then, after a week or so the sensations and burning pain stopped completely and now he’s fine. However, I told him I don't generally hold back or wait when I feel the need to uninate.

We were miffed, and then the problem just disappeared.

However, now the problem is back...and a bit different....

Recently, after urination, I have a feeling that there is something in my penis. I slowly start to rub my penis to get whatever this liquid is out (extra urine?). I get a strange feeling when I perform this action, and if I continue rubbing, there is a rapid discharge of a milky substance. I enjoy this feeling very much, but I'm wondering if there's something wrong with me.

I have recently hired a nurse-maid to assist me until I figure out exactly what is the problem. She is a lovely young lady who is very anxious to...help out.

I am terribly sorry. This might be the most disturbed post I have made yet!

(Come on, dear readers, I had to write something to keep that nurse-maid around!)

Today's Discovery...

2005-02-21T00:40:00.000-08:00

It seems the The World Transhumanist Association , of which I have never heard, has been giving out an award bearing MY name for some time now. While giving an award in my honor is not something which I find particualrly distasteful, this organization's disgression is a little off. Please, let me explain...

Read the official article here

First off, look at this chap.

Aubrey looks like Verne, both major geeks if you ask me.

He looks like Jules Verne on LSD! My GOD!

Why not give him the "Jules Verne Hippy Lookalike Award" and call it a day!

His name is Aubrey de Grey, and he is an actual Ph.D. in something. Based upon his work I would guess Biogerontology....can you be a doctor of Biogerontology? I suppose you can, Aubrey is.

Among Aubrey's credits you will find that he scientist who coined the term “strategies for engineered negligible senescence” (or SENS) AND THANK GOD FOR THAT!!

I have been running around for the past few years shouting “Strategies for engineered negligible senescence THIS!" and “Strategies for engineered negligible senescence THAT!” and "You motherfuckers don't know nuthin' bout pimpin' and you don't know nuthin' bout strategies for engineered negligible senescence...BITCHES!” Yet, I had NO idea this was thanks to Aubrey de Grey and all of his research. So now I can credit him.

Actually, after reviewing Mr. Aubrey de Grey's works and credits, the WORST I can say about him is the Jules Verne comparison. Which he should take as a HORRIBLE INSULT!!

As far as this bizarre World Transhumanist Association, their work appears to be genuine and ethical, so I will support the award they have named for me.

But if they give that award to one more person that looks like Jules Verne, I will cause some heads to roll!!!

Past winners have been (click on photo to read captions):

I can understand a few of these, based on merit, but it's pretty clear they are only picking Verne lookalikes to get my goat!!

...with the exception of Cedric, he's ma Homeboy! You go, Ced!!!

Call me old fashioned

2005-02-18T10:00:00.000-08:00

but I just came across a young American lady's blog wherein she writes pornographic stories!

While this is tantalizing, my mind was halted when I realized she was writing these lewd stories

WHILE ATTENDING HIGH SCHOOL "STUDY HALL"!!

At what point did it become acceptable for students in America to take time out from their studies to
1) use a computer for recreational activities such as blogging?
2) blogging pornographic materials while attending school
3) BAH! Forget the listings....

Everything About this IS WRONG!!

...call me old fashioned.